Youth Pastor's Conference

Goodness gracious!!! Wow, did I have a good time at the Youth Pastor's conference!!!!

I can't tell you we had crazy amazing events or anything, but God really did a work in my heart! This blessed me so greatly that I would take these days learning in His presence over a thousand elsewhere...
Is it better to gain the whole world and forfeit my soul? (Mark 8:36)

I have been born again for 15 years now, but a good many years of those were eaten by the locusts. I do believe that God allowed this to grow me more into the woman He wants me to be.  I was still baring fruit in my life, but a lot of it was simply getting eaten away.
"I will repay you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you" (Joel 2:25)

About 4 years ago I really began to feel God starting to restore those eaten years. My family moved into a large home with my in-laws in 2008.
That alone made it a trying time, but not long after the move my baby brother almost died, this caused a snow ball effect for other life changing things to happen.

During his 4 months in the hospital I was breaking down and getting torn apart.  There were many family struggles and hurtful words said. The support system I thought I had in place really broke down on me.  God wanted to show me that He was all I needed. He had a plan.

I started going to a Christian Physiologist soon after. God used this time to show me He wanted to put the broken pieces of me back together again. His plan of healing consisted of me being broken down again. Did you know a fractured bone can be stronger after it's been broken? Well, God wanted to work on my rebelliousness and call me even closer to Himself.

He called us out of our church... and to say the least, this transition was not a smooth one. He definitely used it for our good.  During this move He took me to my Damascus road and He removed the scales from my eyes.

With our church move, we ended up moving to a new home as well.
At our new church I have a beautiful group of friends and these were some of the friends I was at this conference with. I am happy to have my roots grow deep here and also to have them be intertwined with the roots of my friends as we withstand trials together.

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I know a lot of what God showed me this week was things I simply needed to be reminded of, but I am excited in the fact that a promise has been made to me. A promise that God is restoring by broken vessel.
You see He told me my obedience here is just the beginning. He said "go home and turn not, for in doing so you will turn it upside down".  I have been convicted for too many years to tear down the idols that have been built up in my family from generation to generation. I took this issue strongly to the Lord in prayer, I gave this to Him, and that was my obedience.  You see these idols have torn parts of my family to pieces and I don't want that to happen to me and my husband, or to my children or their children, I want to turn things upside down in The Lord's name!

I am convicted to be a woman of action, and I am excited to say that I don't think I have ever felt as much hope as I do now!  I actually am excited about obedience!  That is CRAZY for me!

What's even MORE crazy is all these years I have learned of God's grace, and even taught of His grace... but I never allowed myself to receive that grace. In my own pride I always believed I didn't deserve it even though teaching it, I know it is something that no one deserves.

My youth pastors years ago always taught me that it had to be more than head knowledge, it had to be heart knowledge. Now my pastor as of late has been teaching on how this grace has to drop... drop from your head to your heart! Listening to these messages have been frustrating because I knew this was not something I could simply WILL to happen within myself, so I prayed and I'm pretty sure I was even grieving over it.

Well this week, it DROPPED!

I realized after listening to Pastor Levi Lusko's first message, along with thinking on my son's 7-11 story (which I don't think I've written) and how we could have lost him, but we didn't... but Pastor Levi lost his daughter!

This was when I really understood grace! I don't deserve my children! They are a gift! I didn't deserve for God to keep my son safe, but He did... I could have woke up in the morning with my front door wide open and my son gone! But God brought my son back home to me! "How does a mom go through this and flipping NOT understand grace?" I said this weeping... ...then I realized it dropped.

I realized this is exactly how God's grace is for me in all things. ALL of them. I don't deserve it, but HE loves me, so He gives it, amazing!

I am so Blessed

Wow I am amazed at how sweet you guys are, coming in and checking on me.  Thank you Crafty Mama of Four for visiting me even when my blog was not in the land of the living! :)

And you too Mary, especially for telling me you missed me!!!
This blesses me more than you know.



So, let me try to fill in the past 2 years - oye!

My Blog...
Well obviously it hasn't been very appealing to me, I have been all over Facebook, more recently on Instagram and I'm now new to Pinterest which I LOVE!  Most of that has been from my phone, which is another huge reason I don't blog... I just don't often get on my computer anymore.

As I come back I realize I like things more simplified now.  The layout of my blog before was driving me away.  I wasn't quite ready to let go of my framed pictures yet though.

Life...

As you my have noticed from the updated pics...
I am now blonde... my hubby has a beard...
my kids are HUGE...

AND... there is an extra stranger in this picture here.  That's my lil brother, he's been living with us for about 7 months now.  He was living with our oldest sister and her 5 kids, but her hubby passed away in May, so we took the responsibility of him off her hands.

We plan on moving very soon, possibly buying a house.  This is both terrifying and exciting all at once!  All 7 of us are currently in a 2 bedroom apartment!

I am no longer homeschooling my children.

I still struggle with depression, but I fight it MUCH better now.
Let's see... I really wanted to dreadlock my hair, but found I get traction alopecia from the pulling tension of even smaller braids.

Health & Fitness...

I am now around 145 lbs.  This is 10 pounds below what I told you my last goal was.  I still have maybe another 5 or 10 pounds to go... depends on muscle.

I DID finish another round of P90x and now I have moved on to TurboFire! I like this program a lot!  All the intense cardio we do does great things for my fatty tummy!  The HIIT training makes me sweat harder than P90x ever did... well other than Plyo!

I am not currently on top of my game with eating clean... I have also been sick as of late and do not find enough energy for my work out videos.

Scrapbooking...
I haven't been scrapping much at all.  I have most my stuff packed away for moving, but I do plan on picking it back up to at least finish a baby album for each of my children.  The first 3 LOVE looking at their albums, so I definitely cannot NOT make one for my littlest man!


My Walk...
Just yesterday I was reading back on a note my friend wrote for me in 2009.  She had taken notes on what I was struggling with at the time, and now 3 years later it was really nice to see how much has really changed.  God is so good in my life.  I love Him now more than I did yesterday, and I pray that is how it will ALWAYS be.


Thanks for visiting guys, I will see you again soon.

My Walk

After watching a new Veggie Tails Video with my kids this morning (thank you DeAnna) I feel like God has clarified the conviction in my heart. It has been hard to be obedient in becoming a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant because I am not one that is into fashion and make-up wearing 24-7.

Not that that is all Mary Kay is about, because it's not, but in my obedience my enemy has been trying to fill my thoughts with a number of lies and discouragements.

This video (meant for my kids, but ministered to me) really showed me that the feeling in my heart, the conflict against selling "beauty products" is that I need to focus on making my heart, my motives, my intentions and my self beautiful on the inside first.

And even more so, then God will be able to use me as a beauty consultant for His kingdom! :)

I am doing this in obedience to Him, but I also want to make sure I am doing it FOR Him. What you pour into a vessel is what you will get out of it. If I pour in the beauty of His word, prayer, fellowship, and encouragement to the woman I am in contact with I know HIS beauty will be much better than my own :).

My Walk Monday

I'm struggling today, I just want to run to sleep instead of Jesus. If I sleep my troubles will magically disappear, right? Here I am now, I may not look like I am fighting the battle, but I am because I am getting in His word and am not asleep!

Anyway...

I know I must seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and the rest of my life should fall in line. It is on my heart to take each day at a time, so here I go...

I have decided I work well off of goals and plans, and I know I have not read my Bible all the way through... so though it may take me more than a year I decided that I am going to follow a yearly reading plan that gives me a little bit of the new and old testament everyday.

Starting Monday Right

So it's been over 4 months since I last blogged for My Walk Monday! So sad because I KNOW this is a good thing for me. I was actually reminded of it by a very sweet blog friend (Angela at Free Spirit Haven) who wrote a couple comments to me recently. She said she hadn't come by in a while and it made me remember I always used to see her when she was doing My Walk Monday all the time. I miss her! I miss you all - my blog friends!

So what about my walk for the week?

Yesterday at church I was blessed to be thinking on things we can sacrifice for the Lord, or ways that we can lose our life to gain it. The first thing the Lord showed me when I was thinking was that I can sacrifice my time.... I can sacrifice rest and laziness :). Recently He has called me into starting a home business with Mary Kay. This has been filling my schedule quite a bit, along with homeschooling, homemaking and mommying 4 kids 5 and under. I love that He also used this to give me confirmation on the new busyness I have, so I know I don't need to let anything go :).

Also recently I have been reading little bits at a time out of Acts 1. As I said I was super blessed to have confirmation from the Lord, but I am also excited to know He cares to comfort us :).

Acts 1 : 10 & 11 during Christ's Ascension into heaven they gazed intently into the sky while He was going... I would imagine if I were in their shoes that this would be a sad time for me, I would not being seeing Him again. But two men in white clothing stood beside them saying, "Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into the sky? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven." - so comforting and encouraging that God would send two angels to stand with them right at this time and share this happy news with them!

How much more does He want to comfort us in other sad times, or times of need? I love Him for this!

This was a very sweet way to start my day this morning :).

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Hmmm... I would also like to share a new song I learned yesterday morning during worship...

I just loved it...

It is called "God of this City" and it's by Chris Tomlin...

Let us lose our lives, get out of ourselves and BE there for others! Let us love on the people He loves! He calls us to greater things, we only have to be willing to accept the gifts He gives. He alone gives hope, He alone gives peace, there is no one like our God!

My Walk Monday

So last week was eye opening with the Lord flat out telling me I refuse to listen, I'm stubborn, I serve myself, and it makes me worthless... But this week there has been even more to meditate on. This was simple to handle compared to actually SEEING consequences to our sin played out!

This past week has been quite emotional for me.

My 2 year old nephew was in the hospital from Wednesday to Sunday for health reasons I child should NEVER have to go through! I have been angry, bitter, unforgiving. I have been pitiful and just not as focused as I could have been on the Lord and His plans through this storm!

God has been there trying to calm me and grab my attention, but I have refused to listen in most ways and have just chosen to focus on the circumstances instead of My God in charge of it all.

I was very thankful when He gave me a comparison that really changed my heart. He showed me that one person's disobedience is the same as the next - it is ALL ugly - and it ALL has consequences!

In Hosea chapter 2 we read the story of Hosea's wife of harlotry. This story is compared to Israel's unfaithfulness and if you read my posts you know recently God has called me to be more consistent / faithful. We know that Hosea's marriage was broken by unfaithfulness, but reconciliation was sought, and not divorce. This nasty picture of disobedience is no different than the nastiness in our own personal ways of disobeying the Lord. God would call us to "put away our harlotry and our adultery"(v.2). In Hosea it commands this and warns "OR"... "or I will strip her naked and expose her as on the day when she was born"... "I will slay her with thirst"(v.3) ... "also, I will have no compassion on her children"!!!!(v.4) Ouch! ALL disobedience comes with consequences! REAlly - think people! Is holding onto our sin worth the possibility of our children in the hospital!!!!???? ... or even worse!

Would we want it said of us and our children that they were harmed because we ignored the Lord's warning and instead continued to "play the harlot" - trying to cheat on our Lord and Saviour!? I don't want to hear anything along the lines of ... "she who conceived them has acted shamefully"!!!(v.5) "She said, I will go after my lovers" -what is the sin we love? What is it that we chose instead of choosing the path God has laid out right in front of us?!

Do we really want God to have to "hedge up our way with thorns and build a wall against us so we cannot find our path"?(v.6) Do we want Him to get to the point that He takes away all that He has given us?(v.8-9) This He WILL do - because He loves us! He wants to make it so when we pursue this sin in our disobedience we will not fall upon it... that when we seek it we will not find it.(v.7) So that then we will FINALLY SEE it was better for us to obey.

He wants to allure us and speak kindly to us :).

He wants to give us hope and joy. He wants to remove what stands in our path to Him and make a covenant with us. He wants to keep us safe in His arms and have compassion on us and call us His people!

"I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord." Hosea 2 : 19 - 20

He wants me to stop focusing on the storm and the circumstances.

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

And I want me to have an attitude more like Mary's...

"I am the Lord's servant, Mary answered. May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:38

Lord please forgive me and help me. Have compassion on me and my children. Be with my nephews, be their comfort in this time of need. Bring their mommy and daddy to a place of repentance and desire to live in obedience to You. Help me to have an even MORE heart-wrenching desire to obey - change my heart that I might life more for You and less for me. I love You, please help me to show You by following Your commands.

My Walk Monday

It's only been one (long) weekend since my ladies retreat weekend. And I'm gonna be truthful. I've probably read my Bible 2 or 3 times since then.

I read it this morning. Went to a random spot and KNEW my God would speak to me...

"Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying... Thus says the Lord...

Just so will I destroy the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. This wicked people, who refuse to listen to My words, who walk in the stubbornness of their hearts and have gone after other gods to serve them and to bow down to them, let them be just like this waistband which is totally worthless. For as the waistband clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel and the whole household of Judah cling to Me, declares the Lord, that they might be for Me a people, for renown, for praise and for glory ; but they did not listen." Jeremiah 13 : 8 - 11

Um ouch! But thank You Lord. I see that You want me to cling to You. You want me to be all Yours, known as Yours for praise and glory. Forgive me for not fixing my eyes on You as you clearly told me to just one week ago. Please help me with my pride and wickedness. Help me with my willingness and stubbornness. Help me not to be self serving and worthless. I know You have shown me it's time to be useful, but I need to be willing. I love You Lord - I am willing.

So at the ladies retreat two weekends ago the Lord showed me specifically to "Fix my eyes on Jesus" Hebrews 12:2. This is how I will learn to be consistent and faithful. He showed me that when I take my eyes off of Him as Peter did to look at the storm when he was faithfully walking on water, that is when he and I begin to fall. The Lord pinpointed this out for me and showed me how to fix pretty much ANY of my struggles!

And know I am reminded that inactivity is disobedience! I need to take the advise I give to my three young children, "please just listen and obey!"

So today I am making sure I practice "slipping away" ("But He Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray" Luke 5:16") to fix my eyes on Him. To seek His will and heart in my every circumstance. To focus on how He would react and how He wanted His beloved disciples to react. To thank Him for who He was and is and will always be. To seek to do His ultimate will in my life starting with this obedience to seek after Him and abide in Him.

My Walk Monday

PLEASE READ THIS ONE IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

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I went on a ladies retreat this weekend :). It was kinda amazing! Probably between me and the Lord, it was the best I have experienced thus far, and I think I have been to at least six.

The theme for this retreat was "It's Time". And the main verse was Isaiah 30:15 (and I LOVE Isaiah) "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength."

God really did have this time set apart to show me something different; really show me it's time for change, or maybe even time to be "useful" again. In the past - at the past retreats I have been to - I have always gone knowing that God was going to "deal" with me there. Like I would go knowing I was going to get reprimanded and disciplined! Before this retreat I did not have that feeling at all and it was kinda weird. I actually didn't know what to expect other than the Lord meeting me there as He always does.

Considering one of the first things He showed me there was Mark 6:31 "Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while" I really felt like this was not going to be a time for "spankings" but a time for blessings.

He did show me some negative things about myself, but they were all things I already knew and was trying to work on. But He had a purpose. He was kind and quick with the negative stuff... He wanted to take me straight to the obstacles. He wanted to show me what would hinder me from what else He wanted me to see.

I saw my excuses like the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:11 and He told me John 11:9 "Are there not twelve hours in the day?".

He showed me my YEARS of rebellion that He is restoring... "the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust" - Joel 2:25. Then He showed me how He loved me and wanted to use me in Isaiah 42 : 6-7 "I am the Lord, I have called you in righteousness, I will also hold you by the hand and watch over you. I will appoint you as a covenant to the people, as a light to the nations to open blind eyes, to bring out prisoners from the dungeon and those who dwell in darkness from the prison."

He showed me I am not always consistent or faithful, but He is working some fruit into my branches!

He showed me that I have been willing and impressed on me that "it's time" to move along. He just wants me to "fix my eyes on Him" (Hebrews 12:2), and firmly grasp His will. He wants me to live wisely and see what He will for me is (Ephesians 5:17). He wants me to commit my life into His hands as Jesus did His Father's on the cross (Luke 23:46).

I really felt so sweet on Him all weekend and He told me "If you love Me, keep my commandments" John 14:15.

He wants me to be active and obedient. He wants me to to advance in the battle! He wanted to show me His plan and does not want me to have a plan to fail as I have in the past. The past when I said "No! I will not walk in it" (Jeremiah 6:16) - Isaiah 30:16 "you said, "No, for we will flee on horses," Therefore you shall flee! "And we will ride on swift horses," Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift."

* * * He showed me a vision of what it looks like to NOT be willing to lose your life to gain it (Luke 9:24). (I thought I would attach a picture of a corpse, but when I googled it I thought it would be too R rated for my blog. But this was a very R rated vision!) Our "life"/a dead, mauled, broken, bleeding corpse is chained to us - wrist to wrist. This is the "life" we choose not to lose or let go of. Jesus has already unchained us willingly many times over when we come to Him in surrender, but we always go back and lock ourselves in again. When we drag this corpse with us the chain damages our wrist, we get wounded to the point where our skin is broken, we are bleeding, and infected. Sometimes we are so stubborn in our delusion of letting ourself finally be free from this "life" that we are actually much worse off. Not only are be broken and infected from dragging this around so long, but now when we are trying to be unchained "willingly" we are chopping off limbs from this nasty, smelling, bloody corpse and we are CHOSING to carry them around with us!!!

THIS IS NOT WHAT GOD WANTS FOR US!! Any of us!

During one of my quite times with Him that I spent outside He had an eagle soaring past me, round and round, back and forth, effortlessly. He told me THAT IS WHAT HE HAS PLANNED FOR ME! "They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary" Isaiah 40:31.

He told me His Spirit is upon me. He wants to use me to preach good news. He has promised not to waste my broken heart, but wants to work through me to help others heal. To proclaim freedom for the captives through Him who set me free from my darkness, from my prison. To show His love, to comfort those who mourn, grieve and sit in despair.

He is my righteousness. He promises to rebuild the ruins and restore the devastated years in my life. I will minister to my God. He will provide for me a double portion, and instead of disgrace I will have an inheritance. Everlasting joy will be mine and my children will be blessed.

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness" Isaiah 61:10.

"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus" Romans 6:11.

Sometimes Sinner - Sometimes Saint

My Walk Monday - just share what is going on in your walk for the week or just the day so we can run this race together!

If it appears I didn't "run" anywhere last week with the Lord from the lack of post (I think with me appearances are rarely deceiving) then it most likely appears correct.

I made it to ladies Bible study last Thursday, but that is where I noticed I am trying to live a week off of one or two days mana! My group leader encouraged us not to live without being in His word EVERYDAY... if that was all I needed to be there to hear, I heard it, and the Lord encouraged me and convicted me with it. Thank you Dee.

I got into the word on my own on Friday. And was very blessed in the word from the Youth Pastor on Sunday. Yesterday and Today I was in the word on my own as well.

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I have been praying what is really hitting me or getting my attention in my walk that I want to share this week. And even though I have been blessed in His word I really feel convicted to look-up another song.

This song is from a c.d. my hubby recently bought. I already had a couple favorite songs off of it, but every time I heard track ten I knew God wanted me to listen! Listening wasn't good enough though, as I am not always good with figuring the words of songs out, so today I was finally obedient to look it up.

Here it is...

Lord I know You are showing me my heart. You are showing me that my actions prove I don't wanna be better. That I don't want You to put me together. That I like to sit around and believe there's no one as messed up as me.

I see You show me that I lie. I see that I don't try. Lord I don't deny when I am wrong, but I when I continue on the path I do, I hate seeing that being miserable is my own fault and that I hurt You. I'm sorry that I don't try. I'm sorry I make You cry. I'm sorry I do the things I do and I don't care for You.

Lord I really want to be better. I want You to put me together. Please change my hurtful, hateful mind, it's sick and I want You to heal it. Like the leper I beg You to cleanse me.

Lord when I feel I can't hide the demons I face, I pray You give me boldness to get in their face. I know that I'm a sinner, but the lies I hear regarding this like to keep me there. I pray that You be willing to free my eyes from the binders I place. I pray that you heal my mind from it's messed up embrace! Lord please revive me, renew me, let me walk in LIFE and sanity!

I love You Lord, please forgive me.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27 : 13 - 14

My Walk Monday

Sin is Sin is Sin.

We went through a sad chapter today in youth group, if you don't already know the story in Genesis 34 you should take the time to read it.

There are plenty of different characters in just this one chapter, but they all had different downfalls. I know my downfalls are very different from others that I would think are "worse", but sin is sin is sin.

1. Shechem - prince of the Hivites - "violated" Dinah (sin of commission).
2. Jacob - Dinah's father - heard that she had been "defiled" and did nothing (sin of omission).
3. Hamor - Shechem's father, the King - never either tried himself, or had Shechem right the wrong or even confess the sin. They only continued to be self-seeking.
4. Shechem tried to pay Dinah's family off to take her as his wife.
5. Jacob's sons deceived Shechem and Hamor into circumcising their entire family.
6. Levi and Simeon - Dinah's brothers - went and killed all the newly circumcised men while they were in pain.
7. They also plundered the dead, their city, their fields, and their houses. They took the little ones and wives as captives.
8. Jacob was selfish for his own reputation and safety because of this son's actions.
9. And still Jacob neither said nor did anything about what happened to his daughter.

This was all kinda perfect for me to read through today because all of it kinda just makes me angry. It's a good anger again the sin of Shechem, Hamor and Jacob, but what about me? Am I angry with my own sin? Am I THIS angry with my own sin??? Is it disgusting to me? Will I do anything it takes to right my own wrong? Will I even confess it?! Will I teach my children to do what is right by determining to lead by example? Or will I fall into my own selfishness and excuses again????

And maybe I am doing something about my personal sin, but I am doing it incorrectly like Levi and Simeon... only taking myself further into a different sin?!

Lord please continue to give me Your amazing grace and dynamite power against MY OWN sin. Lord I want it to start with me. I want my children to learn mostly through a good example, not "do as I say, not as I do". I want them to have a love of good from seeing that You give me the strength to love what is good. Forgive me of comparing one sin to another when they all have the same terrible outcome to separate us from You. I love You and want to be close to You forever and always. You are my Mighty and Awesome King.

My Walk Monday

God gave my husband a vision when this song was playing in the car (yes while driving!) maybe 5 months ago. I was blessed to witness my husband so on fire for the Lord afterwards, and I always thought the song was kind of amazing, but I could tell it never really hit me as hard as it did my husband ... till today.

God put the song on my heart, so I looked it up on Youtube instead of just listening to it on iTunes. Here it is - Hero by Skillet...

The words have always been amazing to me, but just last night and this morning I have really been going back and forth with my flesh. Praying to not caring ... Fighting to giving up.

Read the lyrics!!!...

I'm just a step away - I'm just a breath away

Losing my faith today - Falling off the edge today

I am just a man - Not superhuman

I'm not superhuman - Someone save me from the hate

It's just another war - Just another family torn

Falling from my faith today - Just a step from the edge

Just another day in the world we live

I need a hero to save me now - I need a hero, save me now

I need a hero to save my life - A hero will save me just in time

I've gotta fight today - To live another day

Speaking my mind today - My voice will be heard today

I've gotta make a stand - But I am just a man

I'm not superhuman - My voice will be heard today

It's just another war - Just another family torn

My voice will be heard today - It's just another kill

The countdown begins to destroy ourselves

I need a hero to save me now - I need a hero, save me now

I need a hero to save my life - A hero will save me just in time

I need a hero to save my life - I need a hero, just in time

Save me just in time, Save me just in time

Who's gonna fight for what's right? Who's gonna help us survive?

We're in the fight of our lives - And we're not ready to die

Who's gonna fight for the weak? Who's gonna make 'em believe?

I've got a hero - I've got a hero, Living in me

I'm gonna fight for what's right - Today I'm speaking my mind

And if it kills me tonight - I will be ready to die

A hero's not afraid to give his life - A hero's gonna save me just in time

I need a hero to save me now - I need a hero, save me now

I need a hero to save my life - A hero will save me just in time

(I need a hero)

Who's gonna fight for what's right? Who's gonna help us survive?

(I need a hero)

Who's gonna fight for the weak? Who's gonna make 'em believe?

I need a hero

I need a hero, A hero's gonna save me just in time

Lord, I'm constantly just a step away from the wrong decisions. I'm just a breath away from doing exactly what my enemy has enticed me to. One way or the other, praying and fighting or not caring and giving up! Last night and this morning I have been on both sides, but the one that effects me most is the one that makes me lose my faith and fall from the edge. The one that makes me fall further from You!

I am just a man, I am nothing. Please save me from hating myself.

This is NOT JUST ANOTHER WAR! I don't want my family torn {now I'm crying}. I fell from my faith today, I took a step in the wrong way, a step in this worldly mess!

I need a hero to save me now. Please be my Hero and save me now.

I need an hero to save this life. I know that You will save me just in time.

But Lord I know if I don't fight I'm only pushing You away. And I know if I give-in to my sin then I only deserve the death that comes within. So Lord today I pray. I'm making my stand even though I'm just a man. My voice will be heard today.

It's just another war, my family WILL NOT be torn. I know what You promise me and I know where to find my strength!!! It won't be another kill, my enemy has NO POWER here! And the only countdown that will begin is the one for him!

You are my Hero. You've saved my life. You've saved me just in time. You help me fight for what's right. You make me survive in this fight for our lives. And Lord, we're ready to die! I know You have more for me, more for my husband... I haven't seen it, but I KNOW it. Our children WILL be warriors in Your kingdom! We WILL be set apart for You - we WILL fight for You! With You we'll fight for the weak, with You we'll make 'em believe.

You are The Hero living in me.

My flesh is ready to die.

My Walk Monday

I was so blessed by our Easter Sunday service yesterday! Our pastor has a great gifting to teach and preach God's word and a beautiful heart for people that goes along with it!

The biggest part that hit me from Luke 24 was very small... verse 12a.

"Peter got up and ran to the tomb"

Walking was no longer enough for him. Going slow was not good when he could go faster and possibly be close to Him again sooner.

Walking is not good enough for me either. I want be as close to Jesus as humanly possible at all times! I want to RUN to Him, even if running causes me to trip and fall sometimes. I will get up again and keep running.

I know in the past when I let things trip me up I would fall and just stay down on the floor... refusing help, looking like a fool because there was nothing wrong with me. I would be beating myself up for not avoiding the thing that tripped me. I would wallow, gave up and stay there with my face on the floor. So sad.

Could you picture that? Someone perfectly healthy just laying on their face refusing your help to get up because they knew if they got up now they would eventually end up down again, even if tripping again wasn't till many months or even years away! Pathetic!

But let me ask you... do you do that? Are you content to just stay down and wallow in your stagnant pit? Well - stop it! Get up and walk. Even better... get up and RUN to Him! Run!

My Walk Monday

I have still been so very blessed by my loving friends this week...

I have really been trying to focus on my actions, notice the problems and change as I go. Even instead of saying "oh there's something I need to work on", or "I'll get to that problem later now that I see it" :).

One of the main things I am convicted with is that some of my close friends as well as my best friend (my husband) are challenging themselves to loose weight together... and me (the pregnant one) eating whatever I want and having terrible cravings... I cause them to stumble and I am putting temptations in front of them that they do NOT need!

"Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble." 1 Corinthians 8:13

Not just for my brother, but MORE importantly for my hubby! I have it VERY heavy on my heart to help HIM with this new endeavor!

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2 : 3-5

You see I am an example in my church's youth group. I am an example to younger married couples, or even older married couples with less children then me, either way, you get my drift.

I am planning on officially homeschooling my daughter and son come fall... "teaching" at home and I want my kids to pick up "what is good" from my behavior more than just what I am teaching them out of books. I mean I have always been in a position as the "teacher" as their mommy, but now I am officially going to call myself their Teacher as well, and I want to be a good example in all things!

I want them to see me "love my husband" and "loving on them" as a "sensible, pure worker at home"... making sure daddy is eating well will in turn make sure we are all eating well, even pregnant mommy with little baby in her belly... "so that the word of God will not be dishonored"... so that I am not stumbling my brother... so that I am loving how I should... love is a VERB!

My Walk Monday

He is always faithful to prepare us.

We just need to be faithful to seek Him, and then be willing to listen in learn.

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Let me tell you why I say this :).

I have a sweet friend that was faithful enough to tell me some things in our relationship that could use some work. But she didn't approach me in anger, and I didn't feel attacked like times in the past were other friends have "told me how it is" :). She wrote me an e-mail, but called me first to warn me and pray with me.

I was blessed to have my husband praying as well, because he knows I have felt mishandled in the past and again it was nice to be warned.

But it was even NICER to be able to seek the Lord and have HIM prepare my heart.

I felt He wanted me to read John chapter 3 when I was praying about what was to come. And though the message I received from this chapter was not in the correct context of being born again, it was kinda perfect for me to start in the right heart. ("For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12)

Here are the chunks God used from His living word that pierced straight to the thoughts in my heart.

• v.2 - I was reassured that this is a friend that "came from God" and "God is with her"
• v.6 - He showed me she was not coming from a place of "flesh" as friends have in the past, but she was really trying to put her self aside and be "of the Spirit".
• v.11 - "We speak what We know and testify what We have seen" - He says We to my heart because it is her AND HIM speaking what they know and testifying to me what they have seen in our relationship as friends.
• v.12 - "If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things?" - This shows me personally that He wants me to believe what was written in my friend's email and that He wants me to grow to be able to handle Him telling me heavenly things in the future.
• v.17 - God did not send this email to condemn me but to set me free.
• v.18 - if I believe the words sent to me I am not condemned, but if I do not believe I am condemned already by the situation at hand.
• v.19 - and this is the condemnation, that my friend is shining some light, and I would love the darkness rather than the light.
• v.20 - will I refuse the light and hate it? Or am I willing to expose my deeds??
• v.27 - "A man can receive nothing unless it has been given to him from heaven." - this was given to me from "heaven" as best as possible and I will be able to receive it unlike how I "received" similar things in the past :).
• v.30 - "He must increase, but I must decrease." - God wants to use this to grow me in Him. And my flesh will have to decrease (which may hurt) when this is to be done.
• v.34 - God sent my friend to speak the words of God and God gave her His Spirit.
• v.35 - My Father in Heaven loves me.

"He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him." John 3:36

Again I say...

He is always faithful to prepare us.

We just need to be faithful to seek Him, and then be willing to listen in learn.

And again - I know this is not what the scripture means in context what-so-ever, but it is just what God has spoken to my heart for this situation and love Him for it :).

My Walk

My Monday without my walk - My hubby stayed home from work today. All three of my kids are sick. We took them to the doctor and now they are on antibiotics for mild bronchitis. I had a doctors appointment to check up on the new baby. I wasn't feeling well. I took a nap. I went out with some good friends for dinner. I came home ... kinda sad.

With my walk - I came home ... and read Isaiah 43 and 44...

And the Lord who created me, He who formed me, He told me...

Fear not, for He has redeemed me; He has called me by my name; He says "you are mine". He promises when I pass through the waters, He will be with me; and through the rivers, they will not overflow me. When I walk through the fire, I will not be burned, and neither will the flame scorch me.

For He is the Lord my God, The Holy One of Israel, my Savior.

I am precious in His sight and He loves me.

I am His witness and His servant whom He has chosen. Before Him there was no God formed, and there is non after Him. He is the Lord and besides Him there is no savior. There is no one who can deliver out of His hand. When He works, no one can reverse it.

He is my King.

He makes a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters.

He does not want me to remember the former things or even consider the things of old. Because He will do a new thing. He will make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

He is the one who blots out my transgressions and will not remember my sins.

He will pour water on me when I am thirsty and flood the dry ground. He will pour His Spirit on my children and His blessings on my offspring (my sick children :).

We will not be forgotten by Him.

Don't you just love Him for loving us SO much?!

Share your walk...

Jr High Winter Camp

I went to Jr High Winter Camp over the weekend as a counselor. It was wonderful. My three babies went to stay at their Auntie and Grandparent's house while me and my hubby took off Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It was nice to be able to give our undivided attention to the youth kids.

This is a view of the Chapel building from the other side of the lake God spoke to me through (I will explain below :) But pictures first...

This is me and my cupcake getting out of the last service...

This is Evan Wickham - who lead worship for us all weekend - amazing!!!...

This is all 6 of our kids together...

This is the 2 girl counselors with our 1 girl :)...

... and this is our shoes ...

... and this is someone's lost (for a long time) shoes ...

... and this is how dirty our shoes got after our walk around the lake at free time ...

This is our wanna-be son! He WAS our youth boy, but now he is a Jr High leader at our old church :)! We love this kid to pieces!!!...

Now onto the lake that God used to speak to me... I was sitting by it doing my devotions on Saturday and He was showing me how half of it was complete unchanging, still and placid. But the other half was reacting to just the slightest breeze, showing the smallest ripples, but they were all other the second half of the lake.

In just a moment I had the desire in my heart at the same time as God showing me He wanted me to respond to His Holy Spirit just as the water responded to the tiniest breeze.

The speaker (Gail Erwin) was saying later on, that God the Father's name is Yahweh, God the Son's name Yeshua, but God the Holy Spirit is just the sound of the wind! Well, God wants me to respond to His Holy Spirit sounding to me :) BEAUTIFUL!!!

PRAISE YOU - MY HELPER - AND MY GOD!!!

My Walk

I love how amazing it is to see the Lord's provision.

We got a new/used kitchen table and chairs on Monday.  We have been in our new place two months now.  The first month my husband and I ate either standing up or on the couch while the little ones ate on the kitchen floor :(.  The second month we bought a rectangular folding table from Target that really didn't fit in the space alloted.

Now we have this...

I found it on Craigslist for $250.  The lady bought it 6 months ago for $600.

When I called her number the first time, my hubby was calling on the other line, so I switched over before she got a chance to answer and hoped I didn't hang up on her.  After I talked to my hubby I called her back at that same number getting ready to apologize in case I DID hang up on her... but when she picked up she said she had just walked in the door :).

I was blessed to hear her say that, because I was assuming if she were to be getting a bunch of calls regarding the table set they would all be on her answering machine and I would be the first one to talk to her.  I would have been on her answering machine too - behind everyone else - if I didn't not switch over to talk to my husband on call waiting.

So she told me it was available and I could come get it.

I found a friend with a truck willing to drive for me that SAME night - Thank you Janet!!!

And when I got there she told me she listed her table a week ago and wondered all week why she wasn't getting any calls from interested buyers... till she found out she had listed the wrong phone number!!!

I told her that God was saving the table for me!!!!

A-men! :) Thank you Jesus!

I have been convicted recently to really make my house a home.  To really LIVE in it.  Not just move in waiting till be move out again (because it's a rental).  Not make all the excuses of having to repaint when we leave and my husband wouldn't want me to anyway - laziness and lies!  God really showed me that it effects me (who is home ALL the time) and my family if we are merely existing in our home.  We need to LIVE in it, make it our own.  Mind you this is nothing biblical, it's just something God put on my heart because He knows it will help me and my family.  I am excited to show off what I get done in obedience as I take this step by step.

My Walk

Hello all. This week has been another struggle for me, but I am here and I hope to have someone join me.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

My Walk Monday - just share what is going on in your walk for the week or just the day so we can run this race together!

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My son was sick most of last week, so I did not go to Wednesday church service, I didn't get out of the house at all and I didn't go to church on Sunday either. I haven't been reading much, I have pretty much been sitting around with my kiddo... even on Valentine's day :(.

I have been having pretty much a constant head ache for weeks and I am having stomach pain off and on - no fun.

My husband has been nice enough to come home after work and take of of the things I am not getting done. He lets me rest, so even though I am not out to learn I am still learning by examples God has put before me.

I have been thinking a lot on the subject of unconditional love and how I really happen to stink at it! I pray that God would give me more of a wholehearted love... an unlimited love... an unrestricted love... and unquestioning love... a complete and total love... an irrevocable love!

Lord, please fill me with Your spirit. Grow me in You that I may be patient, kind, content, modest, humble, respectful, selfless, calm, and forgiving.

Help me not to delight in evil but rejoice in truth. Help me to always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.

Help this love You give me never to fail.

And thank You Lord ahead of time for giving.

Though I may not be IN His word, I am meditating on it as He has commanded. I just praise Him that there is enough in my heart to meditate on. I only ask that I would make room for more and make it a more constant "day and night" type thing :).

Late My Walk Monday

I am here for this week - and I even had Schotzy from Wings of Eagles join me last week - stop by and encourage her as well ladies.

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I've had a slow and mostly unproductive week this week. I can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday and still don't have Monday's laundry done. Let alone Monday's blog post :).

I am just glad for the fact I am really SEEING God's protecting hand on my daily walk. When I am doing well I really see it as a blessing and when I am struggling I see it is probably because I have been doing well, so I have been more in my "right" mind to pray and fight.

It's always my waking hours that my enemy tries to ruin (the very beginning of) my day. It starts with a bad night of sleep, bad dreams, waking up thinking on things that are not right, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8). Then I am half asleep and already reacting in my mind to the wrong thoughts. Already sinning before I step - then I am thinking ""so much for "new every morning!"" Ha! That thought - the trapped worked!

But Jesus reminds me I am justified, I am covered in His cleansing blood and am white as snow. This for me has been a HUGE part of fighting my battles. Realizing the love that is SO unconditional. Receiving the gift the has hung in front of me before that I would fully accept as mine. Instead of say "He wouldn't want me, I'm not good".

I am His, He has chosen me.

He has my heart and just wants me to accept that and thank Him with all I am.

So now I say - I will find the things that grieve You and change. I will find the things that bless You and please You, I will search for Your heart and as I do I pray You give me the strength to follow. Teach me to discipline my flesh as a sacrifice.

I WILL praise You Lord for Your unconditional LOVE. As Your love changes everything I am I pray that I would bring You glory. That my family, my kids, my loved ones would see something more than me! That they would see You here, here in my heart, here in my live, here in my walk.

I love Your Lord.

My Walk Monday

It's been kind of a crazy week for me. With the almost fire on Wednesday, doctor appointments, time planning for a craft boutique and a scrapbooking workshop... I've been a little frazzled and busier than normal. Good and bad.

I haven't had a whole lot of studying this week in the word, and I missed church Sunday morning because my three year old has a cold starting up. (Of coarse I could have listened to a message online, but instead I was on FaceBook and Craigslist!) But I have been reading my daily chapter or two in Judges and 'My Upmost for His Highest'.

So I am still seeing God show me His mercy and grace towards His people as I shared the past couple weeks. But I have also been reading Oswald Chambers talk about God remembering times when we were more in love with Him than we act now.

I think now - really - how devoted do I act to Him now?

So devoted that everything IS Him? From Him, for Him, by Him? Or am I so devoted that I go for me? I watch for me? I hear for me? I speak for me? Am I weighing the service I give and deciding how much is best for ME???

Yes. This week I have been so focused on what I don't have (money) and what I want (a camera, a table to eat on, a tv cabinet that doesn't fall apart) that my flesh has been all too present again. The focus on things of the world merely give me a worldly focus! All this when I am called to "Look unto Him", all this when I know concentrating on Him is what fixes my negativity!

When I look unto Him I see His greatness, His glory, His power and His promises! I start to believe again that if only I allow Him to overpower me, if only I am obedient to the heavenly vision, what Christ sees in me, what He sees me to become, IS attainable!!!

I don't see much of anything attainable without looking unto Him. All I see is me.