Honesty on its Way!

Yes I haven't blogged in years and this is what my re-entry post is going to be! It's the last Wednesday of 2015 and I am determined to motivate my belly off... literally! Not my butt, my belly!

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First let me say even though I was so close to my goal years ago and have gained half the weight back, I have been working very hard on noticing why I put the weight back on! I have been working on loving myself regardless of how much extra fat I am holding onto. I believe I have come a long way emotionally and am ready to attack this with a healthier outlook.

My Goals...

• As far as weight goes I think 155 by February 1st is a good first bit.
• No fast food will be a thing.
• I will be exercising everyday.
• And water needs to be a thing as well.

Food...
Food is how I got back here. I have still been exercising a lot and I am stronger in many ways than I used to be, but I emotionally eat. My food controls me instead of me controlling my food... and I done with the overly accepted chains of gluttony!




Water...
I still don't really drinking water. I have been trying to drink warm lemon water before anything else in the morning, so I will kick that up a gear.



Exercise...

Anything to get my mind off of this. I will not be target exercising because I think that just puts in me an unhealthy place in my head, and then I physically attack body parts that I truly still love. I love that my body allowed me to carry 4 healthy babies and have them all naturally! I have a lot of stretch marks, but I don't really care that they are there, I just don't like the jiggle, lol.

So I will be waking up to do Ashtanga yoga by myself in the morning and I will throw in anything else I feel like that day... P90x, Turbo Fire, a class at my Gym, a video with a friend or maybe even a jog with my kid.



Difficulties...
I am lazy and have been so off and on lately that it will take a lot to stay on, but I can, I have and I will.



Successes...
I never let myself gain ALL the weight back!



Motivation...

(These clothes WILL fit me again!)

Youth Pastor's Conference

Goodness gracious!!! Wow, did I have a good time at the Youth Pastor's conference!!!!

I can't tell you we had crazy amazing events or anything, but God really did a work in my heart! This blessed me so greatly that I would take these days learning in His presence over a thousand elsewhere...
Is it better to gain the whole world and forfeit my soul? (Mark 8:36)

I have been born again for 15 years now, but a good many years of those were eaten by the locusts. I do believe that God allowed this to grow me more into the woman He wants me to be.  I was still baring fruit in my life, but a lot of it was simply getting eaten away.
"I will repay you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you" (Joel 2:25)

About 4 years ago I really began to feel God starting to restore those eaten years. My family moved into a large home with my in-laws in 2008.
That alone made it a trying time, but not long after the move my baby brother almost died, this caused a snow ball effect for other life changing things to happen.

During his 4 months in the hospital I was breaking down and getting torn apart.  There were many family struggles and hurtful words said. The support system I thought I had in place really broke down on me.  God wanted to show me that He was all I needed. He had a plan.

I started going to a Christian Physiologist soon after. God used this time to show me He wanted to put the broken pieces of me back together again. His plan of healing consisted of me being broken down again. Did you know a fractured bone can be stronger after it's been broken? Well, God wanted to work on my rebelliousness and call me even closer to Himself.

He called us out of our church... and to say the least, this transition was not a smooth one. He definitely used it for our good.  During this move He took me to my Damascus road and He removed the scales from my eyes.

With our church move, we ended up moving to a new home as well.
At our new church I have a beautiful group of friends and these were some of the friends I was at this conference with. I am happy to have my roots grow deep here and also to have them be intertwined with the roots of my friends as we withstand trials together.

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I know a lot of what God showed me this week was things I simply needed to be reminded of, but I am excited in the fact that a promise has been made to me. A promise that God is restoring by broken vessel.
You see He told me my obedience here is just the beginning. He said "go home and turn not, for in doing so you will turn it upside down".  I have been convicted for too many years to tear down the idols that have been built up in my family from generation to generation. I took this issue strongly to the Lord in prayer, I gave this to Him, and that was my obedience.  You see these idols have torn parts of my family to pieces and I don't want that to happen to me and my husband, or to my children or their children, I want to turn things upside down in The Lord's name!

I am convicted to be a woman of action, and I am excited to say that I don't think I have ever felt as much hope as I do now!  I actually am excited about obedience!  That is CRAZY for me!

What's even MORE crazy is all these years I have learned of God's grace, and even taught of His grace... but I never allowed myself to receive that grace. In my own pride I always believed I didn't deserve it even though teaching it, I know it is something that no one deserves.

My youth pastors years ago always taught me that it had to be more than head knowledge, it had to be heart knowledge. Now my pastor as of late has been teaching on how this grace has to drop... drop from your head to your heart! Listening to these messages have been frustrating because I knew this was not something I could simply WILL to happen within myself, so I prayed and I'm pretty sure I was even grieving over it.

Well this week, it DROPPED!

I realized after listening to Pastor Levi Lusko's first message, along with thinking on my son's 7-11 story (which I don't think I've written) and how we could have lost him, but we didn't... but Pastor Levi lost his daughter!

This was when I really understood grace! I don't deserve my children! They are a gift! I didn't deserve for God to keep my son safe, but He did... I could have woke up in the morning with my front door wide open and my son gone! But God brought my son back home to me! "How does a mom go through this and flipping NOT understand grace?" I said this weeping... ...then I realized it dropped.

I realized this is exactly how God's grace is for me in all things. ALL of them. I don't deserve it, but HE loves me, so He gives it, amazing!

Out this week...

I'm at a youth Pastor's conference with my hubby and good friends. We got up before 4am, so it's already been a long day, but the conversation has been enjoyable and the fellowship sweet!

These kind of things make me so excited for the day we all will be together for eternity! I love it!!!

Geez! I have a big mouth! hahaha

I am so Blessed

Wow I am amazed at how sweet you guys are, coming in and checking on me.  Thank you Crafty Mama of Four for visiting me even when my blog was not in the land of the living! :)

And you too Mary, especially for telling me you missed me!!!
This blesses me more than you know.



So, let me try to fill in the past 2 years - oye!

My Blog...
Well obviously it hasn't been very appealing to me, I have been all over Facebook, more recently on Instagram and I'm now new to Pinterest which I LOVE!  Most of that has been from my phone, which is another huge reason I don't blog... I just don't often get on my computer anymore.

As I come back I realize I like things more simplified now.  The layout of my blog before was driving me away.  I wasn't quite ready to let go of my framed pictures yet though.

Life...

As you my have noticed from the updated pics...
I am now blonde... my hubby has a beard...
my kids are HUGE...

AND... there is an extra stranger in this picture here.  That's my lil brother, he's been living with us for about 7 months now.  He was living with our oldest sister and her 5 kids, but her hubby passed away in May, so we took the responsibility of him off her hands.

We plan on moving very soon, possibly buying a house.  This is both terrifying and exciting all at once!  All 7 of us are currently in a 2 bedroom apartment!

I am no longer homeschooling my children.

I still struggle with depression, but I fight it MUCH better now.
Let's see... I really wanted to dreadlock my hair, but found I get traction alopecia from the pulling tension of even smaller braids.

Health & Fitness...

I am now around 145 lbs.  This is 10 pounds below what I told you my last goal was.  I still have maybe another 5 or 10 pounds to go... depends on muscle.

I DID finish another round of P90x and now I have moved on to TurboFire! I like this program a lot!  All the intense cardio we do does great things for my fatty tummy!  The HIIT training makes me sweat harder than P90x ever did... well other than Plyo!

I am not currently on top of my game with eating clean... I have also been sick as of late and do not find enough energy for my work out videos.

Scrapbooking...
I haven't been scrapping much at all.  I have most my stuff packed away for moving, but I do plan on picking it back up to at least finish a baby album for each of my children.  The first 3 LOVE looking at their albums, so I definitely cannot NOT make one for my littlest man!


My Walk...
Just yesterday I was reading back on a note my friend wrote for me in 2009.  She had taken notes on what I was struggling with at the time, and now 3 years later it was really nice to see how much has really changed.  God is so good in my life.  I love Him now more than I did yesterday, and I pray that is how it will ALWAYS be.


Thanks for visiting guys, I will see you again soon.

My Weight loss Plan

:) Okay so now that I am out of "my cloud", last week I started watching my weight again.


In case you haven't been reading, here is...

My Back Story:
In May 2009 I was 185 lbs (highest ever).
I got down as low as 158 lbs in December 2009 (27 lbs lost in 7 months).
Then I got pregnant and went up to 185 lbs again :) a good gain.

I was done making excuses before and am not going back! No more poor eating habits and excess weight. I want to be healthy and LIVING when it is my turn to be a grandma!


My Goals:
My all time goal is to get down to 130(ish) - I'll start to see what is reasonable when I get there.
That is a 40 lb loss, reasonably by December of 2011 when I stay on track.

My first goal will be to hit my pre-pregnancy weight first though :)  158 lbs by May!  When I hit that first goal my planned reward is a pair of new jeans!

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So how's everything going?

Food

I am following the old Weight Watchers program on my own from home.  I randomly decided to start in the middle of the week because I figured five days of good habits for one week was better than none :).  I am glad I did!

Water

More than before is always better - this is always a struggle of mine.

Exercise

Didn't happen last week.  I am going to work on a tangible home schedule/routine to follow with exercise on there!

Challenges

What was hard last week was dealing with my own attitude. When I want to change and get better but others don't, it bugs me.  I know I cannot force good habits on others.  I have been praying that I would see how selfish I am to not take care of myself, so as to not push my own personal conviction on others :(.

Successes

It was a good week, even though it wasn't technically a full one.  I was happy also to do well even though we had gone out to eat a couple times.  It is always nice to know you could make good choices while you are out, but it is another thing all together to actually DO IT! :)!

Plans for the Week

More water.  Exercise.  Set up a schedule/routine and follow it!

Motivation

I took some new "start" weight photos today!  And I was brave this time, but I won't share the full shots till I get some better after shots going! :) I was a little encouraged by the Biggest Loser I think!

So ideally I would like to see less around the tummy - front, sides and back.
But on top of that (good Lord willing) I would also like to have less on my arms and neck too.

The Cloud I've been Hiding In

I haven't been blogging much lately.

I've really been out of sorts with things these past two months or so.

I am just now finding my desire for interests again.

And now that I feel I am back into the swing of life again and am remembering THIS post from November and I am thinking back on having my other babies. I always went through about a 3 month funk! Whatever that funk is attributed to (postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, life-style adjustments, spiritual warfare, selfishness...) I feel I'm adjusting and coming out from behind the cloud now :)! Thank the Maker.

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Let me attempt at an update with the few pics I have taken from within "the cloud".

Back in September I became an Independent Mary Kay Beauty Consultant :) My first quarter through the middle of December went well as I was really trying to follow a work plan and set goals for myself. The start of my second quarter was very slow and now that I am "awake, alive" (see video below) and interested again it is all picking back up. God is faithful when I put even the smallest effort, He is good to bless me :).

This picture is meant to show you that I finally picked a lip color for myself :)...

While ditching out on MK goals and spending time trying to sleep or tv (= movies on my laptop, E.R. online, or Glee) my problems away my adorable little man has been growing like a weed! So cute he is! Squish-able in point of fact...

Even when I was at my worst these little people God is letting me borrow would smile at me and I knew I was still okay somewhere deep down...

Also while my little man was growing like a weed, my older girl turned 6!...

My younger girl turned 3...

And yes that big little man turned 6 months old! A whole 1/2 a year when it has seemed more like 2 months...

I LOVE him! He still smiles and giggles in his sleep. He is starting to roll a lot more on the floor not minding to be on his tummy. He will probably be in a size 4 diaper soon and is wearing mostly 9 month clothes. He has been eating rice cereal for about a week now and I think is definitely teething with the amount of drooling, gnawing, waking and fussiness. Clearly his favorite person is his Daddy and his favorite thing is a toss-up between the bouncer and his fuzzy blankie :)

Don't you just wanna chew on him? Muh!...

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If you actually read my post and didn't just scroll through my pictures and comment (which I am guilty of doing occasionally) you might wonder what I meant by mentioning being "awake and alive".

It's one of my favorite songs, by probably my favorite Christian band.

The song talks about being at war and being pulled into the dark (my cloud).

Lord I've struggled to find my faith as I've let myself slip from your arms. It's been hard to stay awake since I ironically wanted to sleep to escape the numbness, that feeling that seemed to drain my strength. But You've breathed into me and now I am awake and alive again! I'm fighting! I'll do what You want. I give You my life. I stand my ground. Help me not to back down! You've woken me up, thank You! I give You my heart. I give You my life.

Now out of that cloud hopefully I will once again be a "living" part of the community both blog and otherwise again :).

Thanks for reading - please comment so I know you are here too :).

May you always walk and talk with Jesus!

Balloons, Barf, Baptisms and My Baby oh my!

Balloons

On Saturday we all enjoyed a beautiful birthday party for a one year old friend of ours... balloon man and all :)

Here is my youngest lady with her "fissie"...

... my brave man with his "hord and heild"...

And my lady with her "kiddy and ball"...

Barf

Just after that birthday party on Saturday my son threw up all over the back seat of our car, poor little guy. We attributed it to all the sweets and possibly the bubble solution since he was fine all night.

Though my oldest daughter threw up in her bed that night, poor little lady. I was still thinking it must have been that candy, my kids are NOT used to me letting them have that much candy!

Warfare? Write it off, write if off, write it off... yes three times... but not until we already had been through church service, lunch, shopping and a car ride to the beach!

As soon as we were getting out of the van at the beach B.boy threw up all over the back of Mini :( still in the car! (You can imagine our car smells wonderful!) At that point I said "lets just go home" but I totally wasn't thinking it! I was thinking "warfare!"

So we stayed, and actually little Mister had fun until he got cold and hungry...

And Mini was quite the sweetness in handling puke all in her hair, down her back, on her bum, down her legs and in her shoes!!! She just wanted to go to the beach...

Baptisms

The reason why I kept thinking Warfare!...

... I got baptized! I will blog my heart on the subject another time (hopefully soon).

... blessed obedience...

My Baby! oh my!

She started Kindergarten today! We started homeschooling today! This was me waking her up at 8:30 a.m. to make sure we could start around 9:00...

... the name tag at her desk...

... her waiting patiently for her first subject...

... she jumped right in...

... and LOVED it! I knew she would... I am so proud of her...

... I can't believe she is such a little woman already and that she will be 6 before the year ends!

* Sniffle * Sniffle *

Birth Story and Pictures

Baby was born Sunday July 18th just past 3:00 in the morning.

7 pounds 6 ounces and beautiful!!!

As far as a week and a half before his birth date I had quite a few "bad" nights. One of those nights I actually had an hour of contractions four minutes apart. This only had me, my hubby and a lot of friends more anxious for him to come :) I tried to wait patiently as I wanted him to cook in there as long as he needed (he still had two weeks to go). But my patience was running out... I started telling my hubby he was never going to come. Last Saturday was his actual due date.

At my appointment on the 13th I was 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced, and baby was at a -2 station. Since that check I had increasing signs that he would be coming sooner than he was due.

I don't know what made me feel like Saturday the 17th would be the day (maybe because two of my other babies were born on 17th's as well) but I was getting cave sick! Hubby and I decided to take the kids for a walk to the park (about 2 miles both ways). Then I took a nap and when I woke up we went for a swim (after a little emotional meltdown mind you). During the swim I had quite a few contractions but could not tell how bad they were because of the water, so we decided to get out and get in the house where I could feel them better and time them. We also wanted to get dinner because I was super hungry.

By the time I got changed after swimming I laid down on the bed and practically feel right to sleep again. My hubby was trying to figure out what I wanted for dinner and when I told him I was no longer hungry he knew something had changed.

While my hubby was out with the kids picking up something to eat I had 5/6 heavier contractions. They did not stop after he came home so we called the faithful babysitter (Auntie Mena) and my doctor.

Here I am right about then...

My doctor asked if I wanted to go to the hospital to get checked, but I said not just yet. I wanted to eat and shower and see if it would all just go away like some of the contractions I had the previous week.

I called a good friend of mine over to see if she would bring me a movie to watch and her exercise ball to sit on. I also invited her to come to the hospital with me :) and she did!

Of coarse the car-ride to the hospital stopped my contractions as usual... but it was still good we went in. I was 5/6 cm when I got there and decided to walk the halls a bit which got things going again, but after monitoring baby a bit they decided no more walking. His heart-rate was showing he didn't like contractions, but it was also dipping between contractions. We changed my position, started me on oxygen and got my iv going.

My doctor wasn't liking the baby's variables, so she decided to break my water and get an internal fetal monitor going. I knew this would get things going for sure, I was getting a little anxious, I was telling Josh "here goes - this is it!".

After this I went from 5 to 7 to 9 cm and wanting to push, all within 2 hours. My doctor was amazing, my husband was amazing, the nurses were amazing and baby did very well.

ABOVE ALL GOD IS GOOD!

As always I cried as soon as I saw him. He nursed very well soon after that and after me hogging him for about a half an hour my hunny finally got to hold him :)

Here we are...

After baby was all fed, checked, dressed, swaddled and ready to rest we got ready to move into a new room.

Here we are in the wheelchair...

I got about two hours of sleep that morning before I woke up wondering when breakfast would come :) I was starving!

And of coarse I couldn't go back to sleep because I had to stare some more at my new baby :)

I love that he was already making yummy faces...

Here he is getting a little disturbed by our family coming to visit...

The evening of the 20th we came home, the kids were so excited as you can see...

Baby was happy to be home as well :)...

On the 25th - when he was a week old - we went on a car ride to visit Auntie Charleen and her new baby born just two weeks before mine. She is also our professional photographer :)

There are others she took that I liked also, but I only have these from her facebook page :)

Here is a pic she took that day of her baby...

So precious! My baby is already 2 weeks and 2 days old. Giggling, smiling and frowning in his sleep... already growing out of the smallest clothes he has and no longer in a newborn diaper... nursing almost every two hours on the dot... and he loves to stare at his daddy more than anyone else!

Here we are now... he is hanging with me while I blog...

We hope to blog again soon. God bless!

Busy day Later today

:)

And yes I am still awake.

Here I am sitting in front of my comp...

(lol - my shirt never wants to stay down anymore!)

• I have been trying to help my sister with her new blog setup thingy.
• I have been packing for the crop I am going to tomorrow.
• I have been making sure I will be able to function at that crop without my computer!
  ...so I've been taking notes of already planned layouts and making sure I have the adjacent sketches in my sketchbook :)

I also still need to take a shower - lol - priorities!

• I am going to my baby shower tomorrow before I scrapbook :) it will be a good day.

Pregnancy update

I'm 31 weeks pregnant this week and am feeling pretty round. It's hard been hard to breathe already with baby smooching things up in there. It's also been hard to sleep and get cumfy at night, lots of tossing and turning - which makes sleep not so good - which makes days long and tired. He's getting big in there...


As of yesterday I have exactly 60 days left to carry Mr. Baby around and thought I should look for some positive things instead of noticing too much of the negative.

So I looked back to a little chart I kept of my weight when I was pregnant with my oldest. I knew this would help put things in perspective because... here are my start weights with all my babies...

1. 165 lbs.
2. 170 lbs.
3. 175+ lbs?
4. 158 lbs!

The chart from my first shows me that at 21 weeks I weighed 177 lbs. and at 31 weeks (as I am now) I weighed 187 lbs. So on my fourth baby at 31 weeks I now weigh the same at I did from my first at 21 weeks! 177 lbs! I am still 10 below what I was 6 years ago!

This chart also showed me that I have less than 10 more pounds to gain (comparatively) till I am done... good warning to myself - "must still get bigger" :).

Here I am now...

Thanks Rebecca - you are an inspiration with all your cute bump pics on your blog - I wanted to share one as well :).

Others weighing in...