Sunday, March 02, 2008

Just Thoughts

Here I am a mommy of three, the smallest asleep, the older two still trying to go to bed because they keep getting up to play with each other, and me... here I am falling apart... crying over everything from the crying baby, to the full trash can, to an untamed backyard, to the mound of dishes and laundry everywhere! I don't seem to function well these days, oye! I'm hungry, I'm tired, my stomach hurts, I'm angry, impatient, I feel fat and lazy. I feel like a failure. I don't know what I can handle anymore I feel like I am going to SNAP! My kids went to bed tonight without brushing their teeth, without changing their clothes, without a bath, no story was read, no prayer was said (now I'm crying again) I just don't like how things are going. I seem to shower but twice a week, I hate myself. I wanna be someone that has it all together, someone that has good personal hygiene, someone that is not a disappointment to everyone that people just want to give up on. I'm not good at keeping friends because I do not call and talk to them... I have felt so much love from all you Christian Mommy's out there, so this is me calling, I love you and thank you for your prayers when my daughter was born, you are appreciated and God has put me in touch with all of you for a reason. My prayer now would be that the Women's Retreat I am going on this weekend would be a blessed one, that maybe I would finally get my act together.

6 comments:

Kelley said...

Hang in there. I felt the same way after the twins were born! It will get better=)

Lesli said...

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog - it gave me a chance to come to yours. I a the mother of 3 daughters - all grown now - but I can assure you there were times when I wondered if I would get through it. Just remember - your children are not going to remember the missed bath, the forgetting to brush teeth etc…, they are going to remember time spent together with each other and with mommy. A clean house is a luxury with a new one - hang in there - you’re a great mom.

Karla said...

Still praying for you, Carolyn!

Rebecca said...

Oh hun you are by no means a failure. You have a lot going on right now & because you’re only one person you can only do so much. Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to adjust your routine with the three little ones - a new baby really shakes up routines. Take things one task at a time. I think you are doing great, even with the piles of laundry & dishes - we all get those & our kids don’t always have their full bedtime routine. I hope this weekend is a time of refreshment & rejuvenation for you. ((hugs))

Amy said...

::hugs:: You are NOT a failure! I know you feel that way right now, but my goodness, you just had a baby! I wish I could come over and hug you. I had some bad spells after both of my kids were born, and the more depressed I became, the more of a mess my house was- it was a vicious cycle. I can’t say as there’s any one thing that brought me out of it, but with time, I more or less started feeling capable and like myself again. I hope your retreat is fantastic, and please email me if you want to chat! ::hugs::

Noel said...

I’m sending you hugs as well. Thanks for commenting on my blog! I had a day just like this yesterday. I couldn’t stop crying, my son ate cookies and watched too much TV and I was just wallowing in self-loathing about it all. Dishes, floors everything. I think it will all work out. God has a plan and what I say to myself is that I know my bug will be okay even if for a day or a week or whatever his mommy couldn’t get it together. your children won’t remember this one day. I hope the retreat was uplifting.