Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I'm still Here

Sorry I haven't posted in SUCH a long time, about two months. I hate it too, because I can really see that my blog is a good thing for me. I think every time I am not doing well I can tie my lack of spirit, or my lack of LIFE to a lack of posting. Not that my life is bad because I don't post, but that my blog is bad because I am not LIVING the way God intended! Blogging is a joy to me when I am joyful, but it only seems to be an unwanted chore when I am in the dumps...

I used to think the dumps was me being depressed, but since God has removed the scales from my eyes I now see the spiritual battle! I see the lies and oppression instead of the lie of depression!

It just came to me yesterday (two months later - how sad!) that I have been very complacent and receiving of my enemies attacks. Some of the time I don't think I even needed the stories and the lies in my head because I was choosing to think bad things on my own!

"Think of how angry this makes you Carolyn!" - yeah you're right!

"Think of how stupid that was of him Carolyn!" - I know, that stupid man never thinks before he does things!

"Remember all those times he couldn't treat you with respect, you don't need to give him any in return!" - That man never respects me! I hate that he demands respect when he cannot even give it!

I hate that some of my Christmas ornaments are missing, it's his fault!

I'm so glad we're moving so I don't have to deal with him being disrespectful and inconsiderate anymore.

Hmm? When we move I'm not sure I want to change, I don't really mind the bad dreams I've been having.

Ahh... the dream, now what was it again?... ... ...

You see how it all plays out?! First I am listening to the negative encouragements and agreeing with them, then I am listening and thinking on them, then I am listening and ADDING to them! And after that there is no more listening necessary! After that it's ALL ME - jumping from one bad subject to another, not noticing the ugliness, not desiring anything better! Just giving in! Giving up and FULLY dwelling on ALL the wrong things!

Lord knows I am so tired of giving in! I want so much to make better choices! My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak! Wait lets look at that whole verse, I'm sure I remember it for a reason...

Matthew 26:41 : "Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation ; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Yes! That's a good one! And it has the answer for me, the answer for us! God is faithful! Sister or brother, if you too find yourself noticing this battle, if you see yourself being tempted and oppressed, "Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation." "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7 "You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

We CAN do this! God has given us the tools for the battle, we just need to be obedient to FIGHT!

Tell me guys...
If you have struggled with "depression" have your eyes been opened to see possible oppression?

Do you also struggle with making the right decisions?

Do you faint and not fight?

How long does it take you to realize you are in "the dumps"? And wait has it taken in the past to dig you out again?

1 comment:

Judy Brunke said...

Awesome verses....1 Jn. 4:4 is one of my personal favorites! Are you feeling a little better with these tools in hand? I hope so...I'm still praying for you and hope the move goes well. Merry Christmas, my friend!
Love, Judy